Its the Inside that Matters!
by Hannah-Halliwell
Summary: Paige struggles with anorexia, she slowly gets over it with the help from Piper.
1. Anorexic

Ok I wanted to do a story that was sad, and I use Piper and Leo a lot! So I decided to use Paige for a change. Please review if u like it!

Disclaimer: I own James. But sadly no one else they belong to Constance m burge and Brad Kern.

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I'm standing here in front of the doctors office waiting hoping for good news. If only id of stopped sooner, I wouldn't be hear. Pipers watching me, making sure I'm ok, she's been my rock over the last few months. I owe her so much. She's the one that's helped me get over this, well I am still getting over it. She says 'you're my sister Paige, I don't want you to be on your own, I Wanna help you get better.' They all said I was 'too skinny i'm ill and I need help,' Phoebes was the worst she said 'I made her feel sick, she said that she didn't no how to handle me.' I ignored her until I was told by the doctor, I then thanked her for making me see sense, Piper and Phoebe pushed me, they didn't understand, they didn't understand what being called names was like, they had never been through anything like that, they were both thin and beautiful. Piper is so lucky she's married with two kids, Phoebe's naturally beautiful and always has been.

This all started when I was seventeen an impressionable age, that's what Mom always said! When I looked in the mirror I saw a beast looking back at me, that's what I was called by a boy at school 'Fat beast.' That's when It stopped, I stopped eating. It felt horrible at first but I knew it would make it alright, after a while I got used to not taking in anything, if I did have anything to eat It would be a musley bar and after I would regret it and go upstairs and empty my stomach into the toilet bowl, that happened a few times. That's the worst feeling in the world, you feel so drained, but if it made me thinner I didn't care, what a fool. at first things did seem to get better. Eventually I got with the boy, the boy that made me see who I really was, a beast. His name was James, why did I listen to him? Why was I such a fool? Why didn't I think of what I was doing? I was still not eating, I thought if I gained the weight he would dump me. Everyone was saying, 'Wow Paige your looking good' I didn't think 'good' was enough, I carried on not eating. My skin was getting paler my hair was thinning and dry. I didn't see it, I just thought that if I kept going, things would be alright in the end. The end when was The End? I just thought it would come one day, what a fool. I still thought I was fat, my periods came slowly they would stop for say three weeks then I would get them, it took all my energy. I still refused to believe I had a medical condition, how stupid was I? One day I had come home from school, Piper was their with Leo they had come over to see us, the second I walked through the door knew the questions would start being asked, I had gotten used to it, for 7 months now it would be, 'Paige are you eating?' 'Paige people can help, you, you know,' or 'Paige let me help.' I ignored them, put them to the back of my head, I thought they were being mean, why couldn't they see this is what I wanted, I wanted to be thin. Instead of waiting for the questions I just hung my coat up and went to my room, a couple of minutes later Piper came into my room. I asked her what she wanted, she replied 'what happened to the old Paige?' what did she mean? what happened to the old Paige? I understand now what she meant, I didn't then. She took my hand and stood me in front of the mirror, my reflection, a frail, skinny, thin girl, in my mind a saw a different picture, I saw a fat, frumpy, spotty girl, someone I had gotten used to over the years.

"Piper what are you doing?" I asked.

"I am showing you what you are, Paige, look, look how thin you are, I want to help you, let me help you?"

I looked deep, deep into the mirror, I saw a weak girl looking back, me, Me, what have I done? A tear dropped from my eye. What had I done? Id turned myself into some kind of freak, I felt ill, I felt sick. I turned round to Piper and broke down in tears. I sobbed my heart out. She held me tight and said 'it will be ok, its ok, its gonna be ok, I will help you get through this,' that night she stayed with me, she just held me and said It will be alright, I trusted her, the first person I had trusted in months my big sister. Why hadn't I believed her? Why hadn't I believed them? Phoebe had told me before I just ignored her and thought she was jealous cus I had bagged the hottest guy in the school! How wrong could I be?

A week later Piper had booked me in with the doctor, he declared me as anorexic, I could of cried, but I was being brave. When I got in the car, I poured my heart out again to Piper. How could I have been such a fool? I realised soon after that James wasn't all that everyone thought he was, he was the reason this had happened, a boy, a name, a life, the doctor had told me if I carried on I could die. That hit home a bit. DIE I was eighteen, Eighteen that was no age to die, why had I let it get so bad? WHY? Its over, I hate what you've turned me into. That's the message I sent to James four months in a relationship an I dumped him in a text saying, Its over, I hate what you've turned me into. He deserved it how dare I let him take my life? He didn't text back, I didn't care.

That chapter of my life was over. It was time to start a fresh. The doctor had booked me on a course of weight gain, I eat as much as I want and don't think about it, it was hard at first. But then it seemed to get easier, of corse I have to be careful, but now my weight has shot back up and I think i'm a healthy nine stone, that's were i'm going now, in a minute ill open this door and go into the room, Piper will follow me and I will wait for the doctor to tell me what the results were. I turned the knob and sat in the room with Piper. The doctor told me to keep up the good work, and that I'm healthy at nine stone. I'm so happy, Piper hugged me, she was right things would be ok. I was ok! I realise now that I am beautiful, I always was, I don't care what people think of me, its what I think that matters. I learned that the hard way. But I've gotten over it, I got through it! And my life couldn't be any better, I have now met a new guy his names Kyle and he loves me for who I am on the inside, not the outside. Because it's the inside that counts.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I don't know if u like it, I wanted it to be sort of real life and I hope no one has to go through what Paige did.

Please review.


	2. It Cant Happen Twice, Can It?

Thanks for all the reviews:

Paige fan: I have my own experiences with them too!

Passions: thanku! I didn't no whether to leave it as a single fic or like carry it on but I've decide to carry it on!

PiPeRAnGeL39: I thought that too, I wanted it to be sorter reel life!

Ok I wasn't sure whether to carry this on, but I thought it might be nice to see what happens next with Paige! This is set 7 months from the last one, hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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Hi its me again! Things are going well! I've been seeing Kyle for seven months now! And he loves me for who I am, and not what I look like. Five months ago my weight had reached nine and a half stone it wasn't easy, Kyle encouraged me to eat, he helped by taking me out every week for a romantic meal! he's so caring and generous. And also more good news Pipers pregnant! Four months to be exact, i'm so looking forward to going out and buying baby stuff, me and Phoebe have done lots of sisterly bonding, since I was declared anorexic, Anorexic what a vile word. But that was me! Paige the girl who was anorexic, that's what I was known as at school for a couple of months, girls used to come up to me and ask, 'how does it feel being, you know' why couldn't they just say the word? ANOREXIC, I used to reply sarcastically 'Yeah great, its something every one should go through!' people looked at me as if I was some kind of freak. But this time, that wasn't going to listen to them. I Make My Own Choices Now, I don't have to listen to, what to wear, how to look. I listen to ME. I do exercise a lot but that's cus I want to be fit, not Thin, fit. Deep down though, its hard, hard knowing I might get fat, hard knowing if a carry on eating so much, I will be fat. I've not eaten for a day or two, once or twice, Ok seven times to be exact. After that my weight went down. I'm scared that if it goes up to much, ill be called a beast again. James ignores me now, I don't care, he has a new girl friend who is tall blonde and thin. I hope she knows what she's letting herself in to. I doubt it. Her loss, not mine, that part of my life's over, I think. I stay at Leo and Pipers a lot, she makes sure I eat, she's going to make a great Mom, I owe her so much. Leos been like the Dad I never had too. He'll make a great Dad. Ok, things aren't that perfect. The last time I ate, was on Saturday, when Kyle made dinner for me, my dress was a little tight, and some how I got it into my head, I wasn't aloud to eat for the rest of the week. I just don't see the need to eat, foods their waiting but I don't eat it. If Phoebe asks if I want some tea ill make out, I've had some, I think she's noticed. Piper came round today and asked if I was ok and if I was eating properly. I just smiled and shook the comment away. I secretly whined for her help, half my body wants to be anorexic again, the other half thinks I'm stupid. I CANT let that happen again, can I?

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Ok a short chapter, I will review soon. Any ideas as to what to happen? My ears are open! Please Review!


	3. Its all My Fault

Freakinred: Thanku soo much! I'm gonna use some of your ideas I think!

And thank you for the other reviews!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Ok this chapter is set, like 6 weeks on from the last one, its quite sad, I cried after I had wrote and read it!

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I cant believe what's happened, I feel so sad, its driving me not to eat, I cant blame this on me, can I? Is it my fault this happened? Phoebe said it is, Phoebe said, "This is your fault Paige, if you hadn't put Piper under so much stress, she would be ok, this wouldn't ever of happened," is it my fault? Leo cant even look me in the eye. And as for Piper, she just cry's. She lost the baby. 5 months pregnant and she lost it, it was just after I stopped eating again. I told her, I felt I had too. She said she would always be there for me, but it must have been me that caused this. The doctors said it was because of 'too much stress, at work and home' Piper blames me I know she does, Phoebe blames me. I blame me, how could I do this? Over the last week I haven't eaten anything. Its as if, without support I'm nothing. In the morning I think, 'come on Paige today you're going to do this by yourself,' but by the end of the evening, I haven't eaten anything all day. Yes my weight has dropped. And Yes people have started noticing, Phoebe noticed and spat 'you feeling sorry for your self now? Because You lost Pipers baby, You lost my niece or nephew, so You have stopped eating Again, You really need to get a grip Paige,' she's right I am feeling sorry for myself, I do need to get a grip. But I cant its so hard, I just Wanna crawl up and die. Kyle noticed too, he came round today, he said 'Paige I no you're not eating, what's the matter?' I told him everything, all my feelings, everything. He told me 'you're not to blame, baby's do die, you cant blame yourself.' So why do I? Why is everything bad in this house linked to me? Why is it me that spoils things? My clothes are so baggy, my hairs like straw. I hid all the baby clothes I brought for Piper, I didn't Wanna upset her, but I suppose, I already have, I killed her baby, I am so ashamed of myself. My sisters hate me. Well Phoebe does, she avoids being in the same room as me. Piper doesn't come around a lot anymore, she stays at home with Leo.

I think it would be better if I wasn't around, I need to get out of here, I need to clear my head, I need time, I need to talk to Piper. That's when I went, I went to Piper and Leos.

Leo answered the door,

"I don't think this is a good time, right now Paige, Pipers not up to visitors," Leo said.

"Leo, please, I need to see her, I'm begging you," he nodded his head, I walked in to Pipers room, which she shares with Leo, the room, they probably made the baby that I killed, a tear is rolled down my face,

"Hi Piper, I no you probably don't want to see me but,"

"Don't waste your tears on me," Piper spat,

"Piper, I'm sorry, this is all my fault, if I hadn't thought of myself all the time, if I hadn't starved myself, if I hadn't put you under so much stress, Phoebe blames me, I blame me and I no you blame me,"

Piper by this time was crying. "I do not blame you, I blame myself, Paige, Paige look at me, I'm not ill, I lost my child. I will get over this, I will survive, you however may not, you need to eat, you need to eat for me,"

I hugged her, I hugged her with all my heart and whispered in her ear, "I will get through this, I swear,"

I left feeling happier, well for the time being, at least now I know that my sister doesn't hate me, Phoebe does but I don't know what I can do about that. Which way do I go from here?

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Ok a short chapter please review. Xx xx


	4. Bliss

Thank you for the review I appreciate them very much.

I'm hoping things will become happier! I don't know yet!

Sorry I haven't updated for a while

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Hey again, Long time no speak!

Well the last time we did speak was six months ago, ill tell you everything what's happened.

When I got home from Pipers. Phoebe was waiting for me, I was surprised she managed a small grin, something had happened, before I could ask her what, she told me.

'Paige, I'm so sorry for being such a bitch, I just, I, I lost my first niece or nephew, we both did. but I blamed you. I'm so sorry,' she came over and hugged me. 'I'm sorry that I haven't been hear for you, I no, about you, you not eating, come on sweetie, we need to help you, let me help you?'

I was very taken back, how did she know? had Piper told her?

'Piper just rang, you cant go through this on your own, you have sisters, let us help you'

'Ok' and that's all I could say, with that Phoebe who could never normally cook, cooked us an amazing meal spaghetti my favourite! I ate all of it, I didn't even regret it I just thought, 'I have to do this for Piper, I cant let her down' and that's how it went for the next six months I continued eating, mine and Phoebes relationship grew and grew, every night when I came home, there would be a meal waiting and she'd watch and make sure that I would eat it all! I always did! I gained weight but I wasn't turning fat, I was turning healthy. I also have to thank Kyle, he was there the whole way through! I thought he would get sick of me, but no! he says he loves me and I love him too! He asked me to marry him! And I said yes, and some of you are gonna think we rushed this but this is were I am now, its June the 7th South bay is filled with empty sky's containing the warm glow of the sun, I'm so nervous. I'm stood here looking out my window, Piper and Pheebs keep coming in telling me stuff, I no I'm doing the right thing, but we haven't even moved in with each other, I'm worried things wont work, I want them too, Piper walked through the door,

'Hey sweetie' I smiled back at her, 'Paige I just want to say, I'm so proud of you' the door opens in comes Phoebe she says 'we both are,' I smile again, Phoebe starts talking,

'I know how your feeling, are you doing the right thing? Are you sure he loves you?' she took the words straight out my head, 'Well sweetie if you think your doing the right thing then there you go. And he does love you everyone no's that, the way he looks at you, makes me jealous!'

I'm smiling, what is it with me, all i'm doing is smiling at people I decided to talk!

'Thank you both of you, thank you for being there for me through this whole thing, for the last I don't know two years? You have both been brilliant sisters I am so grateful to you,' I hugged them both, I never realised how much I did love them till this point,'

'Ok well leave you to get dressed' they both left the room, I sat on my bed smiling, I'm gonna marry the man I love, the man who will always love me!

Ok now i'm looking at myself in the mirror I'm standing wearing my wedding dress, I run my hand down the silk corset and my hand lands on the top layer of net on my skirt I have little white roses sown on the skirt, The door opens in pops Piper again she's holding something in a box she opens it,

'Here you go, its something Old and something borrowed' she opens the box, revealing an antique silver necklace I gasp, 'It was Mums she wore it on her wedding day I wore it on mine,' I reply

'Thank you' she ties it around my neck, the door opens again, this time Phoebe walks in and hands me another little box, I open it to reveal a silver anklet,

'there you go there's something new!' Says Phoebe

'thank you both so much,' the three of us hug, the door opens again this time in comes Leo, over the last few months he was becoming a brother to me more than an in-law!

He looks over at Piper they stand there smiling at each other, I hope me and Kyle will be like that when we've been married a few years!

Leo hands me another box, I open it to reveal a beautiful silver bracelet with little blue sapphires (hope that's right) in it, Piper ties it around my wrist,

'Thank you, thank you all of you,' They all smile at me,

'You now have, something old something new, something borrowed and something blue!' Phoebe said.

----An Hour Later----

I am now standing at the start of the alter, Leo is going to take me down the aisle, I take a big breathe, the music starts, Here goes everything!

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Wow I didn't actually see that one coming myself! Hope everyone enjoined it please review and maybe you could check out some of my other fics? Thanks for reading! xx


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